My pianola moves house

Warning:  this post contains confronting scenes of the manhandling of a pianola.

My pianola on the move

Pianolas are passed from one generation to the other - not necessarily because they are family heirlooms, but because the bottom fell out of the pianola market 50 years ago.

Back then, pianolas were the kareoke machines of the pre-electricity age, when people would stand around them and sing the words rolling by on the pianola roll.

[NOTE:  Like kareoke machines, pianolas or player pianos, were designed for people with no musical skills.  You could play them with your feet.  You inserted a music roll (a continuous sheet of paper rolled on to a spool) into the spool box, hooked the free end of the music sheet to the take-up spool, and started pumping with your feet.  The roll would unwind across a reading mechanism (called the tracker bar) and the music score, programmed onto the paper with a bunch of holes, would play.]

You pumped the pedals, and the pianola pumped out music, no hands.

It also gave you a damn good workout, and looked a lot classier than an exercise bike in the lounge room.

So I bought one.  Market research revealed that pianolas ceased production before one of the last wars, leaving only a second hand market.  You can find them in piano shops, reconditioned and ready to go, or in private homes, often in genteel decline and not so ready to go.

How to buy a second hand pianola

The market for pianolas thrives under P in the classified FOR SALE ads in the local newspaper.  Mine was for sale in a house nearby, at a price within my budget, so I gave it a test run.

The house was the bottom of a battle axe driveway.  The pianola was in the rumpus room in the lower level of the house.  It had that battered partied look, as pianolas do.

I play a roll or two, inspected its innards by lifting the top lid and peering down at the bellows which are its engine.  The owner threw in a full set of pianola rolls and the specialised sloped stool.

I paid a deposit, the rest to be paid when the pianola changed hands.

How to move a second hand pianola

Pianolas do not travel well.  Their little wheels are merely cosmetic because their stout wooden exteriors conceal a steel frame and massive mechanisms from the Sydney Harbour Bridge school of engineering.

One pianola weighs about the same as three conventional pianos.

It also could not negotiate spiral staircases, which was the internal entrance to its current residence.

How to move a second hand pianola by barge

The vendor informed me that the pianola could only leave the same way it had arrived: by barge.  The river lapped at the end of the back path, and a small wooden jetty offered itself as a mooring.

You can find barges listed in the telephone book.  The local barge person was not surprised at a pianola as cargo, so I tried not to be surprised at his fee, which was $100 per hour.

On top of that I had to engage pianola moving people who charged a flat $200.  They would liaise with the barge people so they could be picked up from the nearest loading dock where they would park their truck.

Always move your second hand pianola at high tide

Then there were the intangibles such as time and tide.  At low tide, when the river retreated and left behind a mud flat, the barge would have no access to the jetty.

The tide chart was consulted and we settled on a day with a high tide at 7am, and usually when there was little wind.  Calm waters were vital, as pianolas are not good sailors.

On the day I arrived at the house at 6.45am.  The river was mirror flat.  I was standing at the back door when the barge chugged along the river and tied up to the jetty.  On board were two barge people and two pianola movers.  Their truck waited at the nearest loading dock, about 10 minutes away as the boat goes.

The movers were, by necessity, large men - roughly two metres by two metres.  By contrast, the pianola looked dainty.

They shepherded it, on its silly wheels, to the back door.  Then they lay it on its side, mounted it onto a flat trolley and ushered it along the path to the jetty.

They made it look so easy, I wondered if I was getting my $200 worth.

Wheeling it along the footpath was the easy bit

The pianola then rumbled onto the jetty - trod the boards so to speak.  The wooden planks bowed under the combined weight of pianola and two pianola handles, and suddenly there was frailty in the air.

The planks of the jetty groaned

The planks groaned and the men moved with more urgency.  At the same time, the barge driver pulled the ropes tight, straining to hold the edge of the barge flush with the jetty.

The moment of truth: shifting the pianola from jetty to barge

Then the moment of truth.  The movers were actually sweating (at last, value for money), as they manouevred the pianola level with the barge which was floating half a metre below the level of the jetty.

There was a distinct sound of splintering from the jetty.

They steered the pianola sideways to the barge, and with much deep muttering - having revved themselves up to full power - they lowered it from jetty to barge.

As it hung weightily in mid-air, two sets of muscles quivered as they restrained the pianola in a frozen downward plunge.

Heave!

The river lapped mischievously around the barge.

I was holding the cheque for the balance of payment in my hand and it occurred to me: who, at this point owned the pianola?

One miscalculation, and the pianola would slide into the river and sink out of sight, to be planted into the finest of black mud, where it could only be played at low tide.

I tucked the cheque into my pocket.

But all went well.  The barge received the pianola with flat-bottomed stabilty and the jetty planks let out of creak of relief.

The pianola balancing between jetty and barge

Now much lower in the water, the barge sank even further when the two movers also boarded.

Under the weight of the pianola, the barge settles lower into the water. 

They roped the pianola into place.  The engine sputtered into life and off it went, chugging along the river in the early morning light, as pianolas do.

The pianola chugs along the river in the morning light